I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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