I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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