I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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