he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
