Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
