Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
