just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
