aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
