He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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