so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
