The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
