3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
