I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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