The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
