Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
