I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ttyl tear gas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
