I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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