I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to cum in my sink.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
