About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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