I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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