Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
