I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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