it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
