we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
