finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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