shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
