dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
