THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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