She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
