So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
