somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
