Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
