alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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