She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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