i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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