Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
