My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
