I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
