So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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