someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
