that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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