I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
