dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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