Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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