i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
