marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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