Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
