if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
