I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
...so i touched it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
