guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
