no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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