It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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