mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
